How to start a good conversation on a dating app. Online dating advice from relationship experts

From Tinder to Hinge, there are so many dating apps out there for people to explore potential relationships and romantic partners. According to the Pew Research Center, 48% of 18 to 29-year-olds said they have used a dating site or app. 

But finding a love connection is not the easiest task, particularly on dating apps. Sometimes, you reach out to a match only to get no response, or what started out as good flirtation quickly went dry.

If you're looking to ramp up your online dating game, here are some tips and tricks from experts on how to start a conversation on a dating app, plus additional advice.

How to start a conversation on a dating app

When starting a conversation on a dating app, it's best to think of it as an icebreaker. Julie Spira, online dating expert and founder of Cyber Dating Expert, said users should take note of the prompts on apps, like Hinge and Bumble, when sending out a first message.

"Anything that allows you to ask questions for someone else reading the profile to answer is a great way to start a conversation and engage with someone," she said.

On these dating apps, users can fill in prompts, such as "The key to my heart is" or "My simple pleasures." For these, it is important to showcase your distinct interests and personality traits.

"Look at the Hinge and the Bumble prompts, and be very specific in answering them because that's where your personality can pop," said Spira.

Carmelia Ray, celebrity matchmaker and online dating expert, said information on users' profiles is a great way to spark conversation.

"One of the biggest complaints that I hear from women primarily is that men do not read their profile," she said. "In terms of a strategy for standing out and for impressing a woman or a man is to actually read the profile — deep in the profile."

When users take the time to thoroughly read a potential match's profile, it sets them apart from others who may be asking superficial or short questions.

"It's more impressive when sometimes that information (you mention in conversation) is not so obvious, maybe it's in the last paragraph," said Ray. "Every form, every photo, every text is a piece of valuable real estate on your dating profiles."

Make sure your first message is not too short, generic and broad, said dating coach Hayley Quinn.

"When we say something like, 'Hi, how are you?,' it will inadvertently come across as lazy," she said. "Anything that can appear like a cut and paste message will always go down badly."

Additionally, your first message should not be too long, no more than three sentences, including one question, said Spira. The goal is to turn the dating app correspondence into a text conversation, potentially leading into a date.

Keeping prompts and profiles in mind, be sure to stand out when crafting the first message. If someone has a prompt that says what their favorite movie is and its yours as well, you could message "(Insert movie) is my favorite too! What's your favorite scene?"

You want to send a message that your match can relate to, said Ray. "You can come in and comment or ask a question or bring some similarity or commonalities to what you read about your love interest," she explained.

Quinn said the conversation starter should feel balanced between sharing information about yourself and expressing an interest or curiosity about your match.

"This is because people actually want to build trust with you," she said. "In order to trust you and be excited, (they have) to get to know you better."

Even when people do not not write much on their profile, use what's on there, even if it's a simple list of hobbies or interests.

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How to make a good dating profile

Making your dating profile is the first step on your relationship search, so it's important your profile is the best it can be.

Always have a variety of photos on your profile, Ray said. The rule of thumb is to include at least a clear face photo without filters and photo including your torso and upper body. Activity-based photos and candid shots, such as while hiking or reading, are also great to add since it also helps potential matches spark conversation on said activity.

Another key is to have a diversity of photos, said Ray. Do not include photos all having the same expression or background with the only difference being your outfit.

Be authentically you when it comes to crafting the prompts and information on your profile, said Quinn. Be as unique as possible in how you express your interests.

"It's better to be more of yourself and distill the essence of who you are more clearly," she said. "So it doesn't matter if you put 80% of people off, (then) 20% of people are like, 'Wow, OK, that's really interesting.'"

Try to stay away from general terms. Substitute in more specifics. Instead of saying you like music, mention your favorite artist or album. This will help narrow down the people who will best connect with you.

Keep your tone positive and natural when making your profile. Stay away from adding dark humor or anything offensive, and avoid negative speech.

How to ask someone out on a dating app

So, conversation is flowing, and you want to ask your dating app match out on a date. There is a timeline for when you should ask someone out after matching on a dating app, experts say.

You do not want to ask them out on the initial message since the other person may feel like you're just pursuing them for how they look, said Quinn. On the other hand, you do not want to wait too long to ask someone out since things can lose momentum and people can disengage from the app.

The digital dating process has different phases, including connecting, chatting and then asking out on a date, said Spira.

You want to build a good rapport with your match and move the conversation forward toward going out, said Ray.

"How can you fast track that qualifying process?" she said. "What are the three to five things you want to know or need to know about someone before you go out with them?" From there, you can learn more about your match and get better insight on their personality and character traits.

You also may feel more comfortable chatting with your match over a phone or FaceTime call before going out with them. Ask to talk over the phone for no more than 20 minutes, said Spira. This will help determine whether there is enough chemistry and interest to meet them in person.

Take initiative when asking someone out and be collaborative when making plans, said Quinn. Instead of setting a specific day on your terms, ask your match what their availability is. This invites them to participate in making the plans.

While you can simply ask to go out for dinner or drinks, try to find common ground in your interests for a first date. If someone mentions they like picnics in their profile, maybe that can be the basis for your first date.

Additionally, you recognize you want to be asked out, rather than doing the asking yourself. You can suggest the want to do something. Maybe you mention this weekend is going to be sunny, and you really want to get ice cream. This gives the other person a clear springboard to ask you out on a date.

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General dating apps advice from experts

While dating apps can be fun, they can also be frustrating. Here is some advice to keep in mind while using them.

Dating apps are not the end all be all for dating. Think of them as a tool, but not the only option, said Ray. Using dating apps can feel like a love-hate relationships since they are full of possibility but also rejection. So, keep a positive mindset and try not to get down from the experience.

"It's all part of ending up with your Mr. or Mrs. Right," said Ray. "Appreciate online dating for what it can be and for what it can teach people. 'I get to discover things about myself. I get to learn about other people. I know the behavior I like and don't like.' So, look at it as an opportunity for you to learn and grow."

Use the apps as a way to improve your communication and interpersonal skills. If you're not getting matches, maybe change your pictures, rewrite your prompts or send new conversation starters. But also remember, you do not need to impress everyone and not everyone's reaction has to do with you specifically, said Quinn.

Do not blame yourself or the apps for how things go. "Dating apps reflect how we interact as people in 2022," said Quinn. "There may be lots of things about that that are less than perfect."

If you need to take a break from dating apps, do so. The process of matching and messaging can become draining, so it is OK to take a break for self care for however long you need.

Accept that you may match with people who aren't compatible with you. "Part of the process of getting to meet people you really connect with (is) to meet people that you just don't really feel it with," said Quinn. "That's essentially still moving you towards finding that connection that you want."

Utilize the available tools to keep yourself safe and assess how your match is interacting with you. Do not give any identifiable personal information out, and if someone asks you to send them money, do not, said Ray.

Be wary of people who are overly affectionate and "love bombing," which is when someone expresses infatuation too quickly and puts the other person on a pedestal, said Ray.

"Know that you're gonna have good and bad people on that app, so just be careful, but have fun," she said.

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: How to start a meaningful conversation on a dating app and other dating advice