'This year's Strictly lineup is less who's who, and more who dropped out?'
This year's Strictly lineup is stacked with BBC safe faces, but where's the glitz and glamour?
My first response when I saw the leaked Strictly Come Dancing 2024 line-up was to post the following Dad joke on social media: "It's funny that Toyah Willcox is doing Strictly this year. Because if you were asked to explain what the rest of the contestants are famous for you'd say 'It's a mystery.'"
Obviously, the fact that I have put my name to that heinous gag in public means I can never again deride any of Tess Daly’s tumbleweed comedy bits.
I stand by the point though. In all my years of routinely announcing "Blimey, this is the worst Strictly Come Dancing cast ever", this is surely the first time that not one single person can argue with me. In showbiz terms, it’s not exactly a who’s who is it? More like a who’s dropped out?
The BBC even sent out an SOS to DIY SOS man Nick Knowles. Lord knows what would have happened if he’d said 'no'. We’d probably have ended up with the electrician or the plumber instead.
To be fair, it does feel like the recent bullying allegations have had an impact. I suspect much will be made of the fact that only six women could be persuaded to take part (and one of those is a hard-as-nails Gladiator), meaning it’s a very male-heavy line up this year.
And it’s not like the cash-strapped BBC could have allayed the fears of any big name waverers — or their agents — by suddenly putting an extra couple of zeros on their appearance fees.
I will also accept that in previous years some of the relatively unknown contestants have actually captured the public’s imagination more than the established names. You still want a little glitz and stardust with your spit and sawdust though, don’t you?
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In the old days, Strictly was the show a celebrity did first before working their way down the list of other celebrity guff. This year though? It’s gone from pinnacle to barnacle. They’ve let people in who’ve already done the celebrity reality show circuit. In fact, it feels like TOWIE’s Pete Wicks has been around it at least twice.
Wicks is the most obvious reality show journeyman, but the likes of Tasha Ghouri, Sam Quek, JB Gill, The Go Compare Bloke and Toyah herself have already appeared on less stellar programmes. A few of them even did ITV’s daytime disaster Who’s Doing The Dishes?
In Gill’s case, he actually won the Strictly Christmas Special in 2012 and appeared on another dancing show (Dance, Dance, Dance) on ITV five years later. Away from those names, the rest of the line-up has the familiar whiff of the BBC feasting on itself.
Somehow, in an amazing coup, they really have managed to book the GP from BBC One’s Morning Live. Wow! Imagine how tense those negotiations must not have been.
Then there’s the aforementioned BBC One Gladiator, the actor from BBC One’s Miranda who’s not Miranda, and the mandatory cast member from BBC One’s EastEnders. Surprisingly though, there are no BBC News presenters this year. I guess they’re all too busy with the US election.
Still, I suppose you have to admire the Beeb’s defiant streak in booking Sam Quek despite her prominent part in the debacle that was the Question of Sport relaunch. Speaking of QoS, keen observers will now be looking at Strictly and asking "What happens next?"
Well, I’m guessing it’ll be one of two things. Either the format will once again prove king and by the final we’ll be wondering what all the fuss was about.
Or it will absolutely tank in the ratings and we’ll be talking about final nails and coffins. I hope it’s the former. A last dance for Strictly is the last thing this country needs right now.
Strictly Come Dancing will return to BBC One this autumn.