All the single ladies: Never been in a relationship? You're not alone.

David Oliver, USA TODAY

February 4, 2023 at 12:21 AM·4 min read

Nicole Farina has never had a boyfriend.

The 26-year-old's TikTok videos about her dating life – or lack thereof – have gone viral, likely because she is in strong, single company. The hashtag "#neverhadaboyfriend" on TikTok has more than 25 million views.

Her vulnerability evidently resonated with viewers (check out the thousands of comments). She shared how she feels undesirable and how a devil on her shoulder lurks, taunting her about her inexperience. Still, she knows she's worthy of love.

"Seeing the response really made me want to just continue talking about it, and having that open conversation and normalizing it in a way because I feel like when I was growing up this was not talked about," says the event planner and content creator from Charleston, South Carolina. On TikTok, she's learned she's far from alone as others in their 20s and 30s share similar stories on the platform about never having experienced a relationship.

Each person's relationship journey is different, so there is no need to stress if Farina's story sounds all too familiar.

TikTok users share 'never had a boyfriend' videos

@nicole.farina Some of the things I actively have to work on since I’ve never had a boyfriend! Some days are tougher than others but all worth it! #thecharlestondiaries #dating #datingadvice #datingstorytime #neverhadaboyfriend #datinglife #datinglifebelike #datingadviceforwomen #datingadviceforgirls #datingadvicefortheladies #datingadvicefromyoursinglefriend ? Bejeweled - Taylor Swift

@jordytings This has been on going since middle school ???? #neverhadaboyfriend #noboyfriend #singleladies #datingadviceforgirls ? original sound - Schitt’s Creek

@danyellenoble But for real?????♀?| VC: @Jordy #fyp #foryou #relatable #facts #singlelife #singletok #single #neverhadaboyfriend ? original sound - SHANNON??

Are people staying single longer?

Some recent statistics indicate that lifelong romantic relationships may not be forming as quickly for young people as they did in decades past.

"Overall, we’ve seen a shift in our culture that began occurring as millennials reached adulthood," says Moe Ari Brown, a licensed marriage and family therapist. "We are no longer marrying as young as our parents did."

The median age to get married for the first time in 2022 was 30.1 for men and 28.2 for women, according to U.S. Census Bureau estimates. In 1990, the median age for a man was 26.1 and a woman 23.9.

"This means that having your first romantic relationship might also happen later than in previous generations," Brown adds. "This is good news for anyone who feels like they are the only one who isn’t partnered."

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Why people might not enter romantic relationships

People are staying in school longer, are more keen on exploring their LGBTQ identities and are questioning traditional relationship institutions, Brown says. Farina feels this generation is less willing to compromise to be in a relationship and alues independence.

That doesn't mean self-doubt about one's relationship status evaporated over time. "I definitely judge myself the most," Farina says, though she senses others judge her, too. That's part of why she remains open: "I want to be the one that talks about it so I can make the joke first before someone else can," she adds.

Seeking professional help might be beneficial if fear of romantic relationships is the reason why someone finds they are remaining single.

"If someone is worried and finds social interactions awkward or uncomfortable there are coaches and therapists who can help employ exercises," says Courtney Watson, licensed marriage and family therapist. "If the difficulty is related to unresolved traumas then again, therapy is a great tool."

What to do if you've never been in a relationship

Remember it's not just you. "Many people have not had their first long-term romantic relationships, and it’s OK not to partner until you are ready," Brown says.
Take time to get to know yourself. "Self-exploration can assist you in defining what feels best for you so that you can identify when you’ve made a solid match in a partner," Brown adds.
Figure out what you want. Is a relationship something you actually desire, or something you think you should desire?
Prepare to be vulnerable. "You might have to be ready to step out of your comfort zone and engage with others or apps In ways you have previously avoided to see what works for you," Watson adds.
Stick to your boundaries. "Stay true to what you want," Farina says. Don't change to fit into what you think someone else wants. "It's better to be single – fully single – than to be in a situation that they're not giving you what you deserve."
Avoid comparisons. "You’re never too fast, and you’re never too slow," Brown says. "Think of yourself as right on time for your life's epic adventure. Things will unfold for you, and it’ll be well worth the wait when they do."