‘As a white mother to a mixed race child, I couldn’t cope with my daughter’s hair’
When my daughter was tiny, her hair was easy to brush and plait. But as Freiya, now five, grew older and her hair grew thicker, longer and coarser, I had no idea how to handle her shock of magnificent curls. As a white mother to a mixed-race child (my husband is a British-born Sierra Leonean) I simply had no clue. And it showed.
Most days Freiya’s hair looked brittle, wiry and frizzy. But worst of all, she began to resent it. She’d tell me she wished she had a long blonde braid ‘like Elsa’ in Frozen, which of course broke my heart. I felt so ill-equipped to handle this issue of identity brought on by her hair.
She’d cry as I would try to comb it and the ritual became traumatic for both of us. I began to dread it and her hair would end up looking like a bird’s nest. Black women would stop me in the street to suggest products and, though I’m sure they meant well, it made me feel ashamed – like I was failing my daughter.
She’d cry as I tried to comb it and the ritual became traumatic
I grew up in a small town in Denmark and never knew any black or mixed-race people. I met my husband in 2003 and after two years in Copenhagen, we moved to London. It was only when I became pregnant, eight years later, that I first became aware of the issues surrounding black hair – my husband’s family would joke that I should pray for a boy so I could keep the hair short.
Doing Freiya’s hair continued to be stressful until a chance encounter on the Underground brought me to Keisha Omilana. I don’t make a habit of speaking to strangers, but I was so struck by Keisha and her two-year-old daughter Diora’s full, luscious Afro curls, I mustered the guts to ask for some advice. We were mid-conversation when we arrived at Keisha’s stop, but she told me to find her on Facebook.
I wrote to Keisha and as we lived close by and had daughters of a similar age, we decided to meet up. Keisha has since become a close friend and has taught me so much about how to treat Freiya’s hair. For example, that I don’t need to wash it every day – too much shampooing was making her hair dry. Instead, I should use lots of conditioner. Her curls now look healthier and combing it is less painful – both physically for Freiya and emotionally for me.
I have always made an effort to tell my daughter how beautiful her hair is and how much I love her curls, but when the daily routine was so difficult and her two best friends (and her mum) have Caucasian hair, I don’t think the message ever sunk in. But Keisha and Diora have given Freiya two great role models. It has also inspired Keisha to start a workshop to help mums like me bring out the best in Afro hair.
What made the biggest impression on Freiya however, was discovering that Keisha was married to a real Nigerian prince and seeing pictures of her in photo shoots – she is a former hair model. Now Freiya loves her curls and realises you don’t need to have long, straight hair like Elsa to look like a princess.
Keisha’s next Crown of Curls Workshop is on 11 June from 2-4.30pm, at Hari’s Salon, Notting Hill, London W11, priced ￡50.
Interview: Funmi Fetto
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