Why Are People Freaking Out About Perez Hilton’s Bath-Time Photo?
Parents are constantly shamed for their choices. From how we feed our children to how we educate them, everyone has an opinion on how to raise kids. The result? Moms and dads feel endlessly judged for the choices they make — even if they have no other options. This week, families around the country are sharing their inspiring, funny, honest, and heartbreaking stories with Yahoo Parenting in an effort to spark conversations, a little compassion, and change in the way we think about parenting forever. Share your story with us — #NoShameParenting.
Bathing with your little kid is one of parenting’s great joys. Right? Not, apparently, according to some Instagram haters, who have criticized celebrity-blogger-turned-Broadway-star Perez Hilton for posting a photo of himself in the bath with his son Mario, 2.
“Our family motto is: #fun!” Hilton, single dad to Mario as well as daughter Mila, 5 months, posted along with the photo, which showed a jubilant father and son (from the shoulders up) in the bathtub. “We try and incorporate fun into as much of the everyday things we do! #Bathtime”
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Hilton posted the photo on Sunday to Facebook and to his more than 338,000 Instagram followers, hundreds of whom weighed in with their opinions — including those who were less than thrilled with what they saw.
“Child abuse,” one commenter declared, with others taking note that the father-son nakedness was “kinda creepy,” noting, “IS THIS A JOKE THEY’RE BOTH NAKED,” and another asking, “Why are you in the shower with little boy?” Some seemed to take special issue with the fact that Hilton is gay, with one noting, “He’s another Michael Jackson. Hopefully his kid won’t turn out gay. Sad sad sad…” and another declaring, “Kids need a mom and dad period!!!” Yet one more chimed in with this: “All I’m saying is pops never took a shower with me. Raising little man to be a cupcake.”
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Still, the overwhelming majority of comments were positive and supportive, stating that Hilton is doing “an amazing job,” that this is “pure dad and son bonding,” and that he is “an awesome dad.” Many said that they were parents who loved bathing or showering with their own children, whether 2 or 4 or 6 years old, and blamed the critics for having “dirty mindsets,” being “ignorant,” and simply not grasping what raising kids is all about. “If I hadn’t let my kids see my body at some point I’d have gone the last 5 years barely being able to pee! It’s called parenthood!” posted one supporter.
In fact, after Hilton responded to the haters by noting, “I had my bathing suit on. And I didn’t feel the need to clarify that in the caption,” he left several of his fans confused and disappointed. “I actually find it strange that you had a bathing suit on,” wrote one mom. “My husband showers with my 3yr old son all the time. My son loves his showers with Daddy and it’s a huge time saver! It’s only weird to those who aren’t parents.”
Hilton’s rep did not respond to a request for comment from Yahoo Parenting. But Perez, who is currently starring in Full House! The Musical!, was clearly still feeling the sting of the whole public debate, as his most recent Instagram on Monday was a photo of Betty White flashing the middle finger, captioned, “This is how I feel right now.”
And it’s no wonder he’s exasperated, considering how it can feel to be judged as a parent — and especially because of the no-brainer topic in this case. “There are lots of ways we can mess up our kids, and taking a bath with your toddler is not one of them,” parenting expert and physician Dr. Deborah Gilboa tells Yahoo Parenting.
Still, she’s not surprised that some would take issue with it. “We have a lot of shame around sex, and we have a lot of confusion around sex and nudity in our culture,” she says. “I think it’s interesting that he wore swim trunks — or that he felt he had to say he did. Either way, it just shows that this uncertainty and nervousness is pervasive. But it’s not necessary.”
Gilboa says parents often ask her about how long it’s appropriate to be naked around their kids, and that she always tells them the same thing: “Until the age at which it makes anyone in the house uncomfortable.” So if your 8- or 10-year-old suddenly starts freaking out and covering their eyes at the sight of a parent being naked, “then you know it’s time to show your child respect,” either by tossing on a robe or confining the unclothed look to your own room. “Nudity is an issue of respect,” she says.
As far as the dad’s sexuality playing a part in some naysayers’ critiques, Gilboa notes, “It’s possible. You’ll see all kinds of people’s prejudices and fears coming out,” including those that revolve around incest and homosexuality. But regarding the latter, and this father’s ability to “make his son gay,” she says, “Parents can’t influence that, even if they wanted to.”
Bottom line in this case, she says: “It’s lovely that this dad is still enjoying his 2-year-old. And there’s nothing wrong with bathing with your 2-year-old. In fact, if you have a toddler and you ever want to take a bath while they’re awake, you’ll most likely be bathing with your toddler, because it’s the stage when, developmentally and appropriately, they are all up in your business. You can’t even pee alone.”
(Photo: Facebook/Perez Hilton)
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