Why 'orbiting' is killing your relationship – and how to make it stop
In the ever-evolving landscape of modern relationships, new terminologies have emerged to describe various dating experiences. From ghosting to paperclipping, love bombing to breadcrumbing, these terms have helped us better understand and communicate our experiences. More accurately, these terms have helped us capture the confusion and frustration of what it's like to date in 2023. But the glossary is not complete just yet. One recent addition to our list of dating woes has gained recognition: "orbiting."
What is orbiting when it comes to dating?
The term "orbiting" comes from the idea that there is a person who stays in your orbit. Orbiting can be best described as lingering in someone's online presence as a potential love interest without ever getting close or “sticking around” after a romantic relationship has ended. This perpetual orbit serves as a reminder of their existence, even if intentions are unclear or they have decided to no longer pursue a romantic connection. This behavior involves a person following, viewing, and engaging with your social media content.
It's another way social media has made dating and breakups even more confusing.
Signs your ex or love interest is just 'orbiting'
They seem interested in your life online but are taking no steps to actually be in it.
Their engagement is easy and surface level; they do not actively pursue deeper conversations or a meaningful connection.
They are "around" but avoid making plans.
They send mixed signals by liking a selfie or a picture from three years ago but don't respond to your messages.
The impact of orbiting on your love life
Orbiting is exhausting!
It's tempting to seek validation in the lingering attention. It’s also common to get sucked into a cycle of posting content for them, hoping they will see it. We start sending "subliminal" messages and trying to grab their attention. Our platform becomes more about them than us.
It leaves us questioning the intentions and motives of our crush or former partners. It's crucial to understand that orbiting does not necessarily indicate a desire for rekindling or starting a relationship. Often, it reflects the complexities of human behavior in the digital age, where we have the added layer of "observation.” Most of us fall into the trap of overanalyzing the orbiting behavior, desperately seeking clues about the person's true feelings. It often ends up being a waste of time that impacts the relationships we are currently trying to nurture or pursue.
I remember a friend asking me once: "They have made it clear that they no longer wanted to date, but they keep looking at all my Instagram stories and liking my TikTok videos. What does it mean?"
My response: "It means nothing."
I am not saying their behavior is meaningless. I am saying it is not our job to guess what their orbiting habits mean. It is our job to protect ourselves and our relationships from the impact of orbiting.
Why you should avoid orbiting
And orbiting is not just potentially harmful to us and our current relationships when others do it, but it can also be harmful when we do it. If you find yourself stringing someone along, ask yourself:
Why am I orbiting?
How is it impacting my current relationship?
How is it affecting my ability to move on or find the right partner?
What am I trying to achieve?
Prioritize your new relationships instead
One of the challenges posed by orbiting is its potential to undermine new relationships. The presence of an ex or a romantic interest in one's virtual space can create feelings of confusion or discomfort. It can also lead to jealousy or insecurity. It is essential to communicate openly with your current partner about any concerns or feelings that arise due to orbiting. Establishing trust and understanding can help you navigate this unique situation without allowing it to impact your current relationship negatively.
And remember to set boundaries
It's imperative to set clear boundaries when orbiting becomes intrusive or detrimental to one's emotional well-being. Taking control of your online presence is essential to reclaiming personal space and ensuring mental and emotional health. This can include unfollowing or blocking the individual who continues to orbit or who you are tempted to orbit, creating a safe distance from their digital presence.
Sara Kuburic is a therapist who specializes in identity, relationships and moral trauma. Find her on Instagram @millennial.therapist.
Is your ex popping up out of the blue? Careful, they may be 'paperclipping' you.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Relationship advice: What is orbiting? It's killing your love life.