Why do parents fear letting their children take risks? They can't learn if they don't try

As I was guest hosting on Supertalk 99.7 FM in Nashville, I brought on my 12-year-old son, Ketner, so the audience could hear his perspective on the events of the day.

A few listeners texted me with concerns that I was “putting my son on the spot.” We’re not challenging our young men enough these days, and our future depends on changing that practice.

Nothing kills the development of men like low expectations.

Before I brought my son on the air, we discussed what it would be like, who was listening, and why it mattered.

I let him know that the impressions he leaves with people either create opportunity or close doors. Navigating live radio is tough for most adults. If that sounds like a lot of pressure for a young man, you’re correct.

The pressure is the point.

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My boys set high standards and as their father, I hold them accountable

If there’s no possibility of failure, then there’s no risk. If there’s no risk, there’s no opportunity for growth. If there’s no growth, then I have failed to adequately prepare the young men in my care for the world they will face.

Like his brothers, Ketner has been on the spot since he was a young child. When he’s on the wrestling mat, it’s just him and another kid. Win or lose. Success or failure. Everyone is watching.

In his piano recitals and federation reviews, either he hits the correct notes with the accurate timing or he doesn’t. He’s judged on his performance. When he takes a difficult test, the grade matters.

When he mows the lawn, we’re not going to have any “mohawks,” or he’s doing it again.

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What I want isn’t particularly relevant. With each of my sons we mutually agree on the standards they want, and I hold them accountable.

I’m not exempt from that process. My boys and I have mental, physical, and spiritual goals that we put in writing. I fail too. I don’t get the work done I need to complete in a timely fashion. We fall behind on reading the Bible as a family. The workouts at the gym become too far between. As an adult, I’m fortunate to have other men I trust that hold me to my goals as well.

Do not deny young men the opportunity to learn from experience

When we fall short of our aspirations, we figure out what went wrong, learn, and keep moving to the next opportunity. In truth, I’m more concerned when my sons and I aren’t failing because it means we’re not taking on sufficiently difficult challenges.

I’ve talked to countless parents concerned about video games and pornography entangling our young men. Those outlets are such dangerous traps because they provide the feeling of accomplishment at a much lower personal cost than the real world demands.

Nevertheless, I have yet to find any drug or activity quite as powerful or addictive as earned success.

I wasn’t worried how Ketner would perform on live radio. Neither was he. That doesn’t come from arrogance. He simply knows that he’ll either succeed, learn from the experience, or both.

We shouldn’t deny our young men such opportunities. In fact, we should seek them out.

As Ketner noted on the radio, “Failure only happens when you give up.”

USA TODAY Network Tennessee Columnist Cameron Smith is a Memphis-born, Brentwood-raised recovering political attorney who worked for conservative Republicans. He and his wife Justine are raising three boys in Nolensville, Tennessee. Direct outrage or agreement to [email protected] or @DCameronSmith on X, formerly known as Twitter. Agree or disagree? Send a letter to the editor to [email protected].

This article originally appeared on Nashville Tennessean: Parenting: Children learn from taking risks. Don't hold them back