Young people are struggling. What they need is deceptively simple.

Hannah Zlevor was 7 years old when she lost her first friend to suicide. Marissa Schwartz was in middle school when she lost her uncle and nearly lost her cousin to suicide. Carson Molle attempted to take his own life at 14.

These young people don’t want adults to offer silver linings, unsolicited advice or empty gestures that all too often feel self-serving.

They want to be heard.

“A lot of people in this world … reach out to feel good about themselves, like they want to be a part of the solution, to fix it,” said Zlevor, a junior at Appleton East High School. “People need to be reaching out with a different mindset. They need to be thinking of the other person, hear their story, without thinking about themselves.”

In the final Kids in Crisis story of the school year, USA TODAY NETWORK-Wisconsin spoke with young people, parents, teachers, mental health professionals and advocates, aiming to set a clear path for improving mental health outcomes of young people.

But forging that path has heaped additional pressure on young people, who already feel their academic performance is being observed under a microscope since returning from the years of remote learning due to COVID-19. For many young people, authentic community is missing from their daily lives. Even before the pandemic, young people were struggling to connect to each other and adults on a deep level.

That's especially the case if they're falling short in their academics. Academic performance is often tied to protective factors in a student's life, like having access to any supportive adult, a supportive teacher, extracurriculars and a sense of belonging.

"Coming together feels harder and harder every day. As progress is made, I feel we are still very divided in many ways. We feel like outcasts in many circumstances," Zlevor said. "Not being able to come together … it feels like the root of the problems."

It’s a sentiment that, although simple in concept, requires education, dedication and nuance, said Erin Jacobson, the mental health navigator for the D.C. Everest School District in Wausau. Jacobson’s role is to work with students as young as 4K and as old as high school seniors to make families aware of mental health services in and outside of the schools.

Jacobson has her work cut out for her. Shortages among school-based mental health professionals leave Jacobson and others needing to think outside the box. It comes at a time when the stakes couldn't be higher.

That shortage is all the more pressing for high school students, over half of whom are anxious, a third of whom are depressed and a fifth of whom are self-harming, according to the 2021 Wisconsin Youth Risk Behavior Survey.

And mental health professionals on their own won't solve the problem, especially if students don't volunteer their struggles to others. And with students up against so many other everyday pressures — academics, their future, relearning social connectedness in the wake of the pandemic, social media — it's easy for them to let mental health fall to the back burner. That, Jacobson said, creates a feedback loop: poor mental well-being often creates the conditions for worsening grades.

"We are working hard to educate the students we have today, getting them to certain academic levels, which is super important," Jacobson said. "But it's going to be more challenging for our students to reach those academic skills if we're not addressing their wellness."

'Listening to understand, not listening to respond'

It’s been seven years since Carson Molle walked into his family’s garage with a shotgun, certain it would be his final night alive.

He was 14, a high achiever, a big reader, a football and hockey player at Seymour High School in Outagamie County. Still, his mind thrummed with self-doubt and a persistent sense of failure when his academic performance faltered and he missed some key plays as a running back/defensive back on a team that meant everything to him.

Molle, who just turned 21, survived his attempt and the more than 20 surgeries required to reconstruct his face over the years. As he has forged ahead, he knew he wasn’t alone. His mother, Amber Molle, learned the power of listening, which helped convince Carson he could trust her with what he was going through.

“One of the greatest things that I not only learned, but have to practice on a daily basis is listening to understand and not listening to respond,” Amber Molle said. “Because as a parent, when I hear things, I want to fix it, I want to give a suggestion, I want to offer a solution … especially when you know your child is struggling and hurting. Your instinct kicks in to want to fix it.”

Children's Wisconsin, where Carson Molle was admitted after his attempt, allowed Carson to return home following his numerous surgeries instead of going to a residential facility. But the condition for discharge was this: If Carson ever thought about hurting himself or returned to his dark place, he would have to tell his parents, no matter what time of day or night it was.

"So I needed for him to be able to trust me. And that meant just listening and being a sounding board and trying to just understand," Amber Molle said.

"The big word is trust. Obviously, with a lot of teenagers, they're afraid to tell their parents those sort of things because parents are always looking for a solution or they're always going to have a comment about how you should handle it," Carson Molle said. "Sometimes, you're not always looking for that. I certainly wasn't as a teenager. But at the same time, I wanted to tell them about these situations I was in."

Zlevor, who serves as a peer leader of Sources of Strength in Appleton, said some of what makes this difficult is the way adults — parents, teachers, loved ones — compare their experiences of being young, without acknowledging just how different the playing fields are.

"Seeking help from adults as a teenager is always so difficult, especially when they say that they've been there, they've done that, they've gone through these same things," Zlevor said. "But the time difference is very relevant because, 30 years ago, you didn't have COVID, you didn't have social media. How can you say you've been there?"

Alex Buchberger, special education teacher and Sources of Strength faculty adviser at Appleton East High School, said he's had to learn how to turn off teacher mode when talking to young people about their struggles. When Buchberger saw a student crying in the halls the other day, he reached out by first asking if she wanted to talk with him about it.

Buchberger tries to operate from a position of students knowing best what they need.

"If a student chooses to talk to me, one of the things I always ask is 'Do you want me to simply listen? Do you want me to help you find a solution? What is it that you need right now?'" Buchberger said. "As a human being, sometimes I just need to rant to another teacher. That's sometimes what a student needs, too. It's what a lot of people need."

High expectations to 'catch up' mean putting mental health on the back burner

Schwartz, a senior at Appleton East who also serves as peer leader for Sources of Strength, sees a dramatic dip in well-being among her peers after winter break. That's when students start to "really feel on edge" about their future. Students are most prone during this period to keep to themselves.

Owen Mineau, a junior at Appleton East and another peer leader for Sources of Strength, is feeling the pressure.

"Now that I'm a junior, it's starting to get a little bit more stressful. Should I be asking teachers for like letters of recommendation? Then also things like ACTs and AP testing," Mineau said. "It's just a lot of stuff comes up towards the end of the year."

Jacobson, from D.C. Everest School District, believes it's important that educators, parents and staff work to reframe academic expectations, especially in the aftermath of COVID-19.

Students are especially struggling with the high expectations thrust on them to bounce back from COVID-19, Jacobson said. So much of the conversation revolves around meeting academic goals and getting young people caught up with literacy and math levels after losing face-to-face learning for years.

"Catching kids up" is a term Jacobson has heard a lot. And certainly, students are feeling the pressure.

The way Jacobson sees it, academic performance will naturally come with prioritizing student well-being. Right now, social connectedness is seriously lacking in students, a problem compounded by the pandemic and social media.

Young people, especially the youngest students in kindergarten and first grade, need time to play and learn social-emotional skills. New research from the Yale School of Medicine shows that students who practice social-emotional learning have improved academic performance, attendance and engagement; at the same time, these students have fewer mental health conditions like anxiety, stress, depression and suicidal thoughts.

"If we teach them the social skills that they need, their academics are going to come up," Jacobson said.

Brianna Heusterberg, director of Providing Access to Healing, a school-based mental health community impact initiative out of the United Way of Sheboygan County, helps connect nine area public school districts throughout the county with confidential licensed therapists.

Since its inception in 2015, the group has provided therapy to more than 3,500 students. Each year, about 560 students receive close to 10,000 therapy sessions, Heusterberg said.

On expectations, Heusterberg has observed the way social media presents another high-pressured arena. Students have developed poor body image, eating disorders and perfectionism at startling rates. As Heusterberg sees it, it's one of the biggest challenges students face.

Kate Baer, president and CEO of United Way of Sheboygan County, noted the massive shift in productivity following the pandemic. With the workforce struggling to bounce back from the immense fallout of COVID-19, Baer believes families are trying to compensate for lost time.

"Part of the story is the busy, busy lives we lead," Baer said. "When we talk about the expectations we put on children, we also have to talk about parents trying to be everywhere at once. Parents are really spinning their wheels."

Amber Molle certainly recognizes the dangers of that go-go-go mindset. Prior to her son attempting suicide, Amber admitted that she and her husband have always been "gungho parents," always encouraging her children to shoot for the stars.

While their intentions were good, it's a mentality that risks reinforcing all-or-nothing attitudes.

"Carson was a super high-achieving kid. Through a lot of his life, I think Matt and I thought that continuing to raise the bar was the way to help him reach his best potential. But I think we really have to redefine what potential success is for kids," Amber Molle said.

For his part, Carson Molle knows that not every football player in high school is going to go on to play Division 1 college football or pro football. It should also be understood that not everyone who ends up successful in life has a straightforward academic path.

"Not every high school student is going to score 36 on their ACTs and be a 4.0 student, but that's not as accepted. Schools still try and get every student to do that and that's an external pressure," Carson Molle said. "Obviously, you want to be the best you can possibly be, but there's a certain limit to that."

Strengthening positive thinking takes everyone

Every year for the last two years, Zlevor, Schwartz, Mineau and other peer leaders at Sources of Strength do a big presentation at the area elementary and middle schools to emphasize mental health. The hope is that their work to promote mental health feeds into other communities.

Part of the presentation explains how Sources of Strength works: The eight categories within the Sources of Strength wheel represent family support, positive friends, mentors, healthy activities, generosity, spirituality, physical health and mental health.

At the end of the presentation, elementary and middle school students crack glowsticks representing the categories that resonate for them the most.

Schwartz cracked the yellow and blue glowsticks, representing positive friends (yellow) and healthy activities (blue). Mineau cracked green for mentorship. Zlevor cracked purple for spirituality.

"A lot of the students said it was the highlight of their days, weeks, even months. And when I went back to visit, every single one of them remembered my name," Zlevor said. "That was really, really moving, and it shows that we can really bring people together."

Part of listening to young people's needs is also understanding that not everyone will express themselves by opening up verbally, Schwartz said. Some students will take up athletics or dance or artistic expression.

It's about not pushing young people to feel and think a certain way, but meeting them on their terms and learning what gives them joy, purpose and a sense of community.

"Learning to build community doesn't have to come from school. It can be people who live in your neighborhood. It's about being willing to get out, be social, meet new people, to build those connections," Schwartz said. "You never know. One day they might become somebody you really trust who can help you in the long run."

Natalie Eilbert covers mental health issues for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. She welcomes story tips and feedback. You can reach her at [email protected] or view her Twitter profile at @natalie_eilbert. If you or someone you know is dealing with suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text "Hopeline" to the National Crisis Text Line at 741-741.

This article originally appeared on Milwaukee Journal Sentinel: Improving the mental health of young people starts with hearing them