Create an Unbreakable Father-Child Bond

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From the moment a baby is born, the air hums with the import of mother-child bonding—the baby-on-chest moment, the beginning of breastfeeding, the tender, soothing words exchanged. Sure, Dad also gets a photo op, but the real leads in this new romance are clear.

Beyond that first blink, though, when sleepless nights at home lead into bleary 24-hour feeding, sleeping and diapering sessions, research shows that it’s essential for dads to step into a primary parenting role along with moms. And that’s not always easy. There are lots of social blocks to the idea that Dad can and should take over some newborn care. “The old notion that moms just know what to do because it’s instinctual and biological remains strong,” Erin M. Rehel, former professor of sociology and consultant at The Advisory Board Company, tells Yahoo Parenting. And it has a smidge of truth (okay, dads really can’t breastfeed), “but mostly it’s an easy opt-out for fathers,” says Rehel. ”You can do things to counteract that status.”

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One big challenge to men’s parenting roles is that most dads just plain aren’t around as much as moms in the very beginning of a child’s life. Not every family receives new-baby leave for both parents (in fact, most don’t — and for many, that leave is unpaid, which isn’t always realistic). Still, there are ways to make sure Dad gets regular infant-bonding moments even if he isn’t able to take time away from work. Below, Rehel explains how to be intentional about father-child time, and a few parents-who’ve-been-there weigh in, too:

Try an AM/PM Schedule
“Think of morning and evening as daddy-focused time,” Rehel advises. Yes, Dad needs to get ready for work and then he’s getting home from a long day, but even just 20 minutes first thing (to feed a bottle, cuddle and dress) and 20 minutes at the end of the day (bath time and before-bed snuggle) can forge a lasting bond.

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Moms, Back Off
“You have to be okay with stepping back as a mom,” says Rehel. “It’s not that you’re taking a secondary role, you’re just allowing the other person to develop a co-parenting role.” Rehel points out that there are so many opportunities — culturally, socially and biologically — for dads to play second fiddle to moms that it’s essential for moms to make intentional decisions to step away for a little time each day and let dads take over. Yes, even on day two.

Get Close
“Skin-to-skin bonding is huge,” says Rehel. Dad snuggling with the baby on his shirtless chest helps create a scent bond, which is the same thing that happens when moms hold baby close for breast-feeding and soothing — it’s biological. Make this interaction a (very sweet) daily practice.

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Wear the Baby
“My husband worked constantly, but whenever he was home, he would do night feedings and he would wear the Baby Bjorn around the house, holding the baby close. They have such a great bond now, even though he was rarely around in the early days.” —Heidi K.

Master an Essential Task
"I’ve done bath time from the beginning for our twins, probably 95 percent of the time. I think it’s been an important ritual that’s given me a little primacy in one area from the beginning and it’s a fun way to watch the kids develop—moving from the in-sink cradle baths to the in-tub seats to just being in the bathtub surrounded by toys and splashing around." —Matt R.

Pick a Father-Child Activity
"I started reading to my son the day he came home from the hospital —holding him and reading out loud was soothing to him as a baby. Plus, it allowed me to share my favorite books and stories, and I got to do it in the most comforting time of the day. In fact, I still lie in bed and read with him. My son has created a ‘no book no bedtime’ rule, but it’s one I happily follow. It might be a small moment in his day, but it is tremendously important to both of us." —Michael B.