Gabrielle Reece: My 'Alpha Male' Husband 'Brings Out the Girl in Me'

Gabrielle Reece and Laird Hamilton. (Photo: Gabby and Laird)

She’s an author, entrepreneur, fitness icon, and mother, but Gabrielle Reece, 45, shuns the idea of perfectionism. “I’m so interested in how women can get some version of ‘having it all,” Reece tells Yahoo Parenting. “But having it all is a moving target. … I’m nervous about perfect people.” Reece stands by that message in her new wellness campaign, The Balance Project, aimed at helping us all achieve a happy medium in life. In an exclusive interview, Reece talks about her life with surfer Laird Hamilton, her “alpha male” husband of 17 years, and their three daughters (Reece Viola Hamilton, 11; Brody Jo Hamilton, 7; and Izabella Hamilton, 19, Laird’s daughter from a previous marriage) and those explosive “submissive” comments.

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What’s the hardest part about being a working mom?

I’m always saying, “Do your homework” but I desire to be more whimsical with my kids. My tolerance is lower, especially at the end of the day. [You can also] say no to people. Men say no and they don’t apologize for it. You can say, “This doesn’t work for me.” You’re not being rude – you’re standing up for yourself. … That’s what balance is: Save your energy here so you can double up there. It’s survival. I’m big on women taking care of themselves, and I don’t feel the need to explain myself.

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You had to defend yourself when people objected to your description of femininity as “submissive” in your 2013 book. 

I went to college at 17 and didn’t have to fight for certain things the way those in the previous generation did. … I understand [the controversy], but here’s my thinking: I want to exert my will for things that matter, and I’m not insecure about my ability to do so. I live with an alpha male because it brings out the girl in me. … He appreciates the softness and subtlety that I bring to the house because it’s nurturing. My husband does the same for me – he is dialed [into my needs]. … Even in a same-sex relationship, one person [often] takes on a male role. … I am 6′3″ and 175 pounds, so I’m not looking to be strong and dominant at home. [Historically,] true masculinity is about being honest, forthright, protective, helping someone in duress. It’s about everyone cultivating their best strength. Why do we shun the ideas of masculinity and femininity?

Gabrielle Reece’s three daughters. (Photo: Gabby Reece/Instagram)

How do you parent well as a celebrity?

We’re not “Hollywood.” We speak to our daughters’ inner fire. We ask them, “What life do you want to build?” When my kids are acting ridiculous, I say, “Is this the person you’re choosing to be?” We bust their chops and we’re tough because their environment isn’t. We want to give them just enough friction. As parents, we want them to have a nice life without letting them immobilize… Our kids see us working hard, being on time, professional, speaking respectfully to everyone. My husband and I aren’t movie stars and we’re not on TV all the time.… I’m not shiny. You wouldn’t expect my handbag to match my shoes. There’s a place for that, and [some] people do that well. That’s not what I’m selling.

What rookie mistakes do you recall making as a new mom?

My middle daughter had soft teeth and I nursed her for a long time – 1 year and 11 months – and my friends said to rinse her mouth because milk has sugar in it. I told them they were crazy, but my daughter got baby bottle syndrome and [her teeth] rotted out. She had abscesses at age 4. Now her teeth are great.

Why can motherhood sometimes feel competitive?

Our identities get wrapped up in [motherhood], and we all want to think our child is different and special. But parents of exceptional kids don’t make it a big deal. We, as parents, only have so much to do with it. We [brag] to make ourselves feel better. … If I can raise my daughters to be good members of society and have good relationships, I’d be happy with that.

You and Laird chose not to find out the sex of your babies while you were pregnant. Why?

I loved the idea of not knowing and being surprised. It was a payoff. How prepared do you need to be? [Babies need] diapers, a crib, and the boob. I had a night nurse, [but] I didn’t sleep-train. … My life was too inflexible. My advice to women with babies: You’re the mom and you know your child.

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