Going for a Third Kid? It Won't Make You Any Happier

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Turns out third time isn’t the charm when it comes to having kids. According to new research out of the London School of Economics and Canada’s Western University, the birth of a first and a second child briefly increases the level of their parents’ happiness, but a third doesn’t.

“This is not to suggest [child three is] any less loved than their older siblings,” LSE Professor Mikko Myrskylä writes of the findings published October 28 in the journal Demography. “Instead, this may reflect that the experience of parenthood is less novel and exciting by the time the third child is born or that a larger family puts extra pressure on the parents’ resources. Also, the likelihood of a pregnancy being unplanned may increase with the number of children a woman already has – and this brings its own stresses.”

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A pregnant 38-year-old woman in the U.K. put that anxiety into words last year, penning a controversial essay for a London newspaper about how she was dreading her surprise third child. “A third baby is the straw that will break the camel’s back,” the homemaker lamented in an essay that elicited thousands of comments. “The chaos this will inflict on our little family unit seems to multiply every time I think of it.”

Or you might be more of the mindset of New York Times blog contributor Laura Vanderkam — who described welcoming No. 3 as an easier transition than she experienced with No. 1 and 2 because, “by the third, your life is built around that fact that you have kids. Another child fits into that world in the same way that you add another car seat to a crowded car.” But still, the fact remains: Three children is a lot of work. 

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“It’s true, the thoughts about having a baby are much less romantic the third time around,” psychotherapist and parenting educator Andrea Nair tells Yahoo Parenting. “Parents are much more aware of the logistical challenge coming.”

Yet if you are joining the ranks of the 5.4 million American households with three children, fear not: Yahoo Parenting enlisted experts to share three tips to ease the welcoming of a third child.

1. Carve out 10 minutes for one-on-one time with each older kid.
“Creating a daily ritual of spending a few dedicated moments with each big kid helps you relieve a lot of that guilt that comes from feeling like you’re not meeting anybody’s needs because you’re being pulled in three directions,” Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions, tells Yahoo Parenting. Try playing Legos together, coloring, or whatever activity each child enjoys. “It’s an investment of time, sure,” she says. “But you get that back tenfold in cooperation and better behavior. When kids feel they have you all to themselves, they’re less likely to demand your attention in negative ways.”

2. Take some solo time, too.
Gisele Bundchen is on to something with her recent remarks about motherhood and how “you have to fill your glass so that everyone can drink from it.” Nair advises parents find ways to attend to themselves during this crazy time so they’re “not pulled into a frantic state.” She explains: “When you’re frantic, your brain goes into fight or flight mode and you don’t think rationally. That makes it harder to have perspective, which will give you the ability to think of solutions to whatever is going on.” Even just 15 minutes to lie in bed or read a bit of a book will help, adds McCready. “Give yourself permission to take that break!”

3. Ask for help.
Nervous about going from man-to-man defense to zone? Get some more players in the game! “Don’t be afraid to accept help or seek it out,” advises McCready, who recommends looking to community groups at your place of worship for aid, or forming a mothers’ group co-op to rotate babysitting duty a couple of times a week. “It will reduce your feeling of being overwhelmed and discouraged.” Older siblings can participate by getting involved in household tasks, such as unloading the dishwasher or doing laundry. “A lot of high schools require students to do community service,” she adds. “Call the one in your town and ask if there’s a teen available to serve as a mother’s helper some afternoon while you’re all at home. Even if they just play with the older kids for two hours, that would be the biggest help. Plus, you don’t have to pay them. It’s a win for everybody!”