I Was Forced Out of My Job After My Maternity Leave

Parents are constantly shamed for their choices. From how we feed our children to how we educate them, everyone has an opinion on how to raise kids. The result? Moms and dads feel endlessly judged for the choices they make — even if they have no other options. This week, families around the country are sharing their inspiring, funny, honest, and heartbreaking stories with Yahoo Parenting in an effort to spark conversations, a little compassion, and change in the way we think about parenting forever. Share your story with us — #NoShameParenting.

“How are we ever going to survive without you?” That was the last thing I heard from my co-workers before I went on maternity leave.

It was strangely reassuring knowing that they were nervous about losing me for nine weeks, especially given my office culture. Right around the time I announced my pregnancy, my company’s longtime boss had an announcement of her own: She was leaving. Her successor quickly cleaned house, as is common in my industry, but I managed to keep my job.

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Our new boss brought in a woman named Lisa (not her real name) to work above me. I didn’t technically report to her and we got along. I’ve always been “the nice one” at work, and I think that helped.

STORY: Working Mom Sends Powerful Message by Saying Hardly Anything at All

In the weeks leading up to my leave, I worked hard to train the woman who was temporarily replacing me. She was a junior who would fulfill my daily tasks and include me in a weekly update email (which I requested so I could get caught up before returning). In general, I felt confident that I would have a smooth return to the office.

I ended up being induced early, so I emailed my colleagues and told them to contact me if they needed anything.

Then I checked out for nine weeks.

I loved maternity leave so much that I started calling it “maternity vacation.” I cuddled with my new son, baked, and visited friends and family. It felt good to take my foot off the gas after years of nonstop work.

A week before my leave ended, I emailed my replacement to check in. She didn’t reply. Instead, I received an ominous email from Lisa telling me to report to a meeting on my first day back to be filled in on “exciting new changes.”

I replied to Lisa, asking if there was anything I should know in advance. “Nope! See you when you get back!” she wrote.

My blood went cold. I immediately called my husband. “I think I’m getting fired,” I said. “That does sound weird, but they love you! I’m sure you’re fine,” he said.

I felt incredibly emotional during the last week of my maternity leave. I was devastated to be leaving behind my 9-week-old to go to work, and I was worried that I’d soon be unemployed. I cried every day.

My first day back in the office was bizarre. I arrived early but, when the staff showed up, I felt invisible. No one said a word to me until I approached them, and it felt like they all knew something I didn’t.

At lunchtime, I finally had the meeting I’d been dreading. I was informed that my role had changed. My replacement would be permanently responsible for many of the tasks that used to be mine, and I would… well, I’m still not sure. My title wasn’t changing, but it sounded like I would be responsible for a lot of busywork.

Later at the office, I called my mom while pumping in a private room. (The cushy setting was ironic, given the unsupportive environment.) “I want to go home and hug my baby,” I cried.

“Hugging the baby won’t change anything,” she replied. “It’s up to you to make it better.”

My company was a huge proponent of the Lean In movement, I reasoned. Maybe I was taking this the wrong way.

So I went back to my desk and started churning out my reports. If they wanted reports, I’d turn in the best damn reports they’d ever seen. Every day, I came to work, turned in a detailed report, and waited for feedback.

No one ever responded to my emails.

I still wasn’t sure what my role was, but it became clear when I emailed the woman who was only supposed to be my replacement and asked her to make a change to our website. “Like I told you before, I don’t have time for this,” she wrote back, CC’ing Lisa. This from the girl who hugged me after I’d hired her, and said how thrilled she was to be working for me.

Lisa emailed back and told me to leave the woman alone.

I started looking for a new job one week after returning from maternity leave. And things only got worse. I was left out of important meetings and email chains, and I was no longer allowed to authorize work assignments.

Lisa was copied on many group emails, and when I would make a decision, she chimed in to undermine me. I got the sense that I was slowly — and intentionally — being pushed out.

I started applying to job openings from my cell phone while I was pumping and at night after putting the baby to bed. I went on several job interviews, often slipping out during lunchtime. I panicked when one interview went on too long, but, as I discovered when I came back, no one cared that I had left

I no longer mattered.

Fortunately, a month after returning to work, I got an offer from a fantastic startup. The company had a small, close-knit staff. Even better, they were excited to work with me. It felt amazing after weeks of grappling with constant anxiety.

I gave notice at my job the next day. Staffers pretended like they cared, but the response was weak. We all knew I was no longer wanted.

It’s been more than two years since this happened, and I still don’t understand why I was so suddenly — and coldly — written off.

But I’m not alone. It’s a cultural problem, Kristin Rowe-Finkbeiner, executive director of the family advocate organization Moms Rising, tells Yahoo Parenting. Despite having inflexible work environments, parents often need to take sick days in order to care for their children, or leave the office by a nonnegotiable time for daycare pickup. That responsibility often falls on moms.

Many women also take a financial hit when they become moms. According to research conducted by the National Women’s Law Center, full-time working mothers are typically paid just 70 cents for every dollar that dads make. That’s despite a study that found working moms are more productive at work than childless women. Researchers surmise that moms are skilled at organizing and planning, which boosts their job performance.

The Lean In movement has provided an aspirational view of working moms, but it’s tough to buy into that philosophy, even if you want to. One study from the University of Texas found that more women would gladly “lean in” to their careers if their jobs would allow them perks like flexible schedules, parental leave, and subsidized child care.

Under the Family and Medical Leave Act, “eligible employees of covered employers” are entitled to take unpaid, job-protected leave for family and medical reasons with continued health insurance coverage under the same terms as if they hadn’t taken leave. That covers 12 workweeks in a 12-month period for childbirth, adoption, and caring for a newborn within one year after the child is born or adopted. How these parents who can afford to take that much unpaid time off are treated when they return to work is a different story.

But things are slowly improving — Netflix recently announced that it will offer employees unlimited maternity and paternity leave during the first year after a child’s birth or adoption. Apple and Facebook offer to cover the cost of egg-freezing for their employees. And a slew of other companies are offering equally family-friendly perks.

Do I regret how my career ended up? Not at all. I landed at a great, family-friendly company, and I’m a much better employee — and mother — for the experience. —Korin Miller

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