I'm a 'Buzzkill Dad' and Proud of It

Photo courtesy of Kirk Pynchon

Most family nicknames are cute and come from a place of love. They are meant to be silly and fun. They are meant to evoke familiarity, affection, and closeness.

My family nickname does none of those things.

My kids weren’t exaggerating or lying or being straight up delusional when they nicknamed me “Buzzkill Dad.” They are simply speaking the truth. I have clamped down on the good times in my kids’ lives so often that I have 100 percent earned the moniker bestowed upon me by my 9-year-old son and 7-year-old daughter. I am the parent who needs to see that things are done, and done well. I am the parent who can’t let things slide. I am the parent who is the definition of a buzzkill.

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Much like in police procedurals on TV, you need a good cop and a bad cop when it comes to parenting. Two good cops means nothing gets done, two bad cops leave everyone miserable. You need one of each type to be an effective parenting team. On our team, mom is the fun parent. Mom is the “Oh, so what if they had dessert last night. Let them have some tonight” kind of parent.

Not me. I am the no-fun parent. I am the “Didn’t you just have some sort of fun last month?” kind of parent.

It’s not so much that I enjoy being the exact opposite of fun all the time. It’s that I understand the importance of it. I get that a few pushups are the key to the start of a productive day. I comprehend that nothing ever good came from a bed that has not been made. I understand that the trains need to run on time and if everyone is having fun then how are the trains gonna run? That is a slight overstatement of course, but it still holds true (plus it rhymes and rhyming is fun, so I guess I have a little in me.) Staying on task sometimes means avoiding the fun.

So what does it mean to be the buzzkill of the family? It means for the most part, I have to be the one who consistently says “no.” And I’m not gonna even humblebrag about it, so I’ll just brag about it — I’m really good at saying “no.” It’s truly one of the few things I’m good at, so I make sure I say it A LOT:

“Can I have French fries with my lunch?”

“No.”

“Can I stay up a half an hour later?”

“No.”

“Can I do my homework another time?”

“No.”

“Can I have an Xbox?”

“Yes.”

“Really?!”

“No.”

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The result is that the rare times when I allow my kids to have fun are incredibly special — mostly because they are so completely shocked. They literally cannot believe that I am letting them enjoy themselves. One afternoon I picked my kids up from school and I surprised them by offering up some sugar-free bubble gum (because the occasional stick of regular gum is way too much fun.) They almost thought it was a trick, like I was messing with them and that any minute I would toss the gum away and scream “psych!” It’s that confusion that I instill in my kids that makes those moments of being a father so rewarding.

I fully acknowledge my buzzkilliness (not remotely a word but so what). When you are the buzzkill parent, there’s no point in trying to hide that fact. Accept it. Own it. Revel in it. Accepting who you are in any situation makes for happier living and accepting that I am the parent who is going to give a Heisman to almost any good time has made life much easier. (For me. Not my kids.) I mean, come on, someone has to wear the black hat in the name of consistency.

It might as well be me.

By Kirk Pynchon, for Babble.com

For 18 Disney GIFs that totally nail this parenting thing, visit Babble.

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