An Argument for Putting Away Your Phone

Photo by ONOKY/Julien de Wilde/Getty Images

Just the other day, my 10-year-old son and I were having lunch with a friend and her son. We spent the entire lunch trying to catch up — in between her urgently checking her emails and texts, that is. Not only was it impossible to have a good chat, but I couldn’t help but notice the disappointed looks her son kept giving her. (Later, he told me she’s on her phone “all the time.”)

Parents today are all about trying to figure out how to find a balance when it comes to using technology. We encourage our kids to get off the tablet and talk to us, but meanwhile, what if we’re sending mixed messages by being unable to put our own devices away?

Turns out that kids notice when their parents are distracted, and one of the biggest distractors is technology, according to the annual Highlights State of the Kid survey, released earlier this month. The survey, which showcases the thoughts and opinions of children across the country, asked whether kids think their parents are distracted when they’re trying to talk to them. A resounding six out of 10 said yes and, according to the survey, all technology accounted for 51 percent of distractions, with cell phones a top offender at 28 percent.

But moms and dads are busy and need to be on their cell phones. No big deal, right? Wrong.

“When a parent is on their tablet or phone, it signals to a child that he’s not as important to the parent as the person on the other end of the call/text/video/post/poke/ping,” Sylvia Barsotti, director of parenting editorial at Highlights magazine, tells Yahoo Parenting. “One time isn’t going to matter, but as cell phones become appendages, it’s just too easy to respond to the device right away and a habit forms overnight.”

If you need to answer an urgent text or phone call, you can do it, experts say, but always keep your word to kids about when your attention will be back on them. “It’s fine to say ‘give me a minute’ to a child, as long as you keep your end of the bargain,” Barsotti says. “One of the kids we interviewed told us that his parents often ask him to wait but don’t follow up. Kids are aware of these things!”

And never underestimate your child’s feelings when it comes to having to compete with technology. “Kids know when you’re phoning it in,” Barsotti says. “If you’re consistently paying more attention to technology than your kid, your kid will be able to sense it.” Consider yourself warned.