Tween Who Lives as Both a Boy and a Girl Speaks Out in Documentary
Crystal is a girl when at home with her mother. (Photo: BBC)
A fascinating documentary called Louis Theroux: Transgender Kids aired on the BBC Sunday night, exploring the life of transgender children, particularly one American adolescent who identifies as both a boy and a girl.
The child (whose last name and hometown is unknown) was biologically born a male named Cole but also lives as a girl named Crystal. The child’s mother Joy (who refers to her child as “she”) tells filmmaker Theroux, “And it’s difficult because at school or in places where she’s a ‘he,’ we can trip over ourselves.” Parents Joy and Eric are divorced and Cole/Crystal alternates between presenting her identity depending on which parent is present. Joy is supportive of her child but as she tells Theroux, “Her and father I, I don’t think, see this from the same perspective.”
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According to Joy, Cole/Crystal has identified “almost 100 percent” as a girl but when the mother has broached the idea of Cole/Crystal taking hormone blockers (medication that pauses the puberty process), the child says, “I can’t do that Mommy. I have to be a boy…because I’m Poppy’s only son. and it would destroy Poppy.”
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Cole says his gender is male when spending time with his father (Photo: BBC).
In the film, Theroux accompanies Cole/Crystal to a miniature golf game with Eric, for which the child is dressed as a boy and answers to “Cole.” The filmmaker asks Eric if he would be resistant to the idea that his kid may, for example, want to buy makeup, and Eric replies, “I think he’s clear kind of on…what he can and can’t do when he’s with me.” Eric adds that there’s a “time and a place for who you want to be and how you want to express that.”
Cole/Crystal seems comfortable straddling the line between the two identities. Dressed in a pink T-shirt, the child confidentially says “Crystal” when Theroux asks which name he should use.
That said Crystal/Cole envisions a future as a man. “I think about having a wife and two children,” adding that home will be a Japanese-style house. “I’m really into Japan now,” Cole/Crystal excitedly tells Theroux. “I love their clothing and their style.”
According to Antonia Caretto, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist in Farmington Hills, Michigan who treats children and teenagers struggling with gender issues, most children develop gender identity by the age of 6. “By then, kids’ brains are developed enough to understand the basics — if a little boy gets cast in a school play as a flower or is handed a doll to play with, he knows that he still retains his identity as a boy,” she tells Yahoo Parenting.
Among young kids (ages 6 to 8) who identify as the opposite gender, the majority won’t feel that way as they approach puberty, says Caretto. However, some will persist or others may begin to be unsure and there’s no definitive way to predict how a child will ultimately feel. According to the Center of Excellence for Transgender Health at the University of California, San Francisco (UCSF), research shows “That adolescents who present with gender variance, or a transgender identity go on to be transgender older adolescents and adults 100% of the time. Again, the data is small, but supports the notion that gender constancy is certainly in place in adolescence.”
In all cases, parental support is key. Caretto suggests reframing the question to anxious parents. “When parents ask ‘How does my child know for sure how they identify?’ I would say, ‘Did you know you were female or male at that age?’” For adults who are secure in their gender, this approach may resonate.
In the case that a child knows he or she was not born with the correct gender and wants to explore medical options, Caretto says that until the age of 16, it may be premature to discuss cross-gender hormones blockers. “The general consensus is that 16 is an appropriate age to start hormones,” she says. “If you delay the decision, a child may look out of place if she’s the only girl in her class without breasts or the only boy who’s 5 feet tall and whose voice hasn’t dropped.”
Cole/Crystal, who determines the gender of the day by which outfit is the cutest, doesn’t seem worried. “I’m happy,” she tells Theroux. “I have a fun life.”
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