5 Truths of Being in an Interracial Relationship

By Zahar Barnes

My family is 100 percent Jamaican as far back as we can trace it, and my boyfriend comes from Polish and German stock. My skin is a deep brown shade, while his is more of a pale cream.Orange Is the New Black's Crazy Eyes aptly summed us up when she sang, “Chocolate and vanilla, swiiiirl.” Interracial dating isn't a big deal to me, as I've dated men of pretty much every race. I've picked up a few things along the way that are just part and parcel of dating someone from a different background. Some are amazing, while others aren't exactly the most positive, but I still wouldn't give it up for the world.

1. People will comment on your hypothetical future babies. They’ll usually say that the kids are definitely going to be beautiful. It’s such a kind thought, but it also often comes with an underlying “they’ll be gorgeous because they’ll be mixed” vibe. And, yeah, mixed babies are adorable, but so are full-on babies of any race! Think of all the chubby rolls! I still take it as a compliment, but I know it rankles some people in interracial duos. Also, I don’t want my future kids to be jinxed, no matter who I have them with (silly, I know, but let me have this).

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2. You learn so, so much.When you’re dating interracially, you get a chance to glimpse a worldview you’d normally never have access to. And while you can never fully understand someone else’s life, you can try to get it as much as you can in an empathetic sort of way. I feel really lucky that my boyfriend makes that a priority, because I know this can be a struggle for many interracial couples.

3. Families can end it all. I have a friend who broke up with someone she really loved because his family didn’t approve of her race. Yes, in 2014. It’s just an unfortunate reality of the world we live in but one I hope is progressing every day. The real root of the issue was that he didn’t stand up to his family about the fact that he wanted to be with her. Couples can make it through this if they’re willing to fight for it!

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4. Strangers might get offensive.I could go on and on about this, but people can say some really stupid things. My boyfriend and I personally get a lot of comments from black men who are angry that we’re dating. On the complete opposite of the spectrum, we’ve been followed down the street just so someone could “congratulate” Blake for “having” me, like I’m a piece of property. To quote Jasmine from Aladdin, “I am not a prize to be won!” There’s this weird dynamic where guys will either get territorial or praise my boyfriend, and I’m not a fan of either.

5. In most ways, it’s just a normal relationship. Race rarely comes up between me and my boyfriend. We discuss it when it in relation to politics or if someone happens to make a strange remark. Otherwise, we’re just two people who know that our love is so much more than skin-deep.

Have you ever been in an interracial relationship? How did you handle the challenges that can come with it? And what did you think were the best parts?

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