How to Date Like a French Girl: Lolita Jacobs
Photographed by Nick Axelrod
Je ne sais quoi. It means to have “an ineffable quality,” and sure, it’s an overused expression, but it’s the only one that perfectly describes that thing that sets French girls apart from other women around the world. The slightly mussed-up hair and no-makeup, the give-no-f***s attitude toward basically everything—there’s a reason that, in the world of style, the French girl is considered the epitome of cool. Not surprisingly, that extends into the world of romance. Or so we have been led to believe. We headed to Paris to find out how French girls really like to date.
Related: 15 Questions You Wish You Could Ask on a First Date
First up is Lolita Jacobs, a 25-year-old assistant art director and graduate of Central Saint Martins.
Yahoo Style: So, how do you approach dating?
Lolita Jacobs: Dating for us…we don’t date that well.
YS: What do you mean?
LJ: It’s funny, I was talking about it with my friend, Garance Doré, just yesterday. To ‘date,’ it means you can see many people at once. But for us French girls, it’s completely crazy, this idea that when you’re with someone—even though it’s been a week, it doesn’t mean you’re getting married—that you’d also be with someone else at the same time.
YS: What if you want to keep your options open? You don’t know if they’re ‘right’?
LJ: I guess. Maybe French girls are more dramatic and we have more disappointments. But I met my current boyfriend at a party and we talked to each other every day for the entire week, and then, it’s been three years and he lives in my apartment.
YS: Is that usually how it works or is that a unique situation?
LJ: My previous relationship was like that, too. We instantly liked each other and it lasted five years.
YS: Do the French boys court you? Do they bring you flowers? Do they do anything nice or anything like that?
LJ: With French boys, there’s a laid-back attitude, like, ‘I don’t care,’ but they care so much that you see [it]. You know there’s a belief that girls are more mature than boys? That’s true.
YS: What about text messages? In America, there are all sorts of rules, like you have to wait three days to text someone back after the first day. Or if they text you right away, that’s a bad thing.
LJ: In France, there are a lot of hysterical girls as well. They feel like, if you don’t text the next minute, you’re a loser. But I think it’s really about the feeling, and if you want me, I never calculate my texting, unless I want to make someone jealous. And you have to be smart in your texting, as well.
Related: When Talking Is Replaced by Texting, All Love Is Lost
YS: What does that mean?
LJ: Humor is essential.
YS: And do people in Paris flirt via Instagram? Do people meet from Instagram?
LJ: I’ve heard of Facebook dating; Instagram dating is too far ahead.
YS: When did you know you were ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’ with your current boyfriend?
LJ: It’s a very Sex and the City sentence, “to be exclusive.” It would never occur to me—to any of my girlfriends—to ask anyone we just met, “Are we exclusive?”
YS: Because it would be implied?
LJ: Even if it’s not implied, it’s just not the way we talk. It’s so weird to us to ask someone if we’re exclusive. But you can have a boyfriend for a month. It’s not only long, long relationships.
YS: Who’s supposed to make the first move, the boy or the girl?
LJ: My girlfriends and the girls of my generation, they could make the first move.
YS: What do you mean?
LJ: The hair in front of your eyes. It’s also the light jokes you make during the first conversation. And a lot of eye contact for me.
YS: Even if the person is across the bar? Like across the room?
LJ: Ouais! It starts with the eye contact, I think.
YS: Would you ever do online dating, or an app like Tinder?
LJ: No, no. It’s not my style. I think Tinder is the globalization of dating. Tinder is everywhere. I have a friend who went on holiday in Morocco—he used Grindr there!
