Trying to Keep Up With the Kardashians Brought Out My Deepest Insecurities
I’ll admit it: I’m socially awkward. I’ve never been what you’d call a butterfly, and I can count my close friends on one hand (two if you include my three sisters and mom, but family is obligated to love you back). So having a job where I have to be outgoing and talk to strangers nearly every day isn’t ideal. And going to an event where I don’t know anyone often leaves me silently wishing for a Xanax instead of the inevitable glass of champagne.
2015, however, is going to be the year that all changes. I made one of those lame New Years resolutions that I’d tear myself away from my inanimate boyfriend and best friend Netflix and insert myself into the real world more often. So when I was offered the opportunity to go to an intimate Kardashian event I said yes, because I won’t lie—I love them. And despite being internationally recognized reality stars, they seem similarly insecure in so many ways. Sure enough, the Kardashian hair care launch made me feel so uncomfortable in my own skin that I’ve now decided that I’m just fine binge watching Grey’s Anatomy on a nightly basis.
Tuesday night’s event took place at a mansion at New York City’s Upper East Side. The venue was decorated in that noticeably Kardashian way: lacquered black surfaces with gold detailing. Only white hydrangeas added life to the sterile environment. I showed up twenty minutes late and still managed to not only beat most of the other guests, but also the guests of honor. Waiting for Khloe Kardashian and Kim Kardashian West’s arrival, I stood in the corner (right next to the cater waiters and their tempting trays of delicious hors d’oeuvres), pretending to be engrossed in a super important email on my phone.
Khloe showed up first. She wore a low cut white blouse, the kind of thing one might call a one false move kind of shirt. Her matching white flared trousers accentuated just how large her butt is in comparison to her waist (seriously—it’s shocking in person). The room’s atmosphere seismically shifted the second the 30-year-old arrived; women, myself included, stopped looking down at their phones, switching to camera mode and ever so discreetly (but oh-so-obviously) moving in her direction. Like moths to a flame, with every step, selfie or flip of Khloe’s blonde, perfectly finger waved hair, the crowd swayed in tandem. And as Mrs. West made her grand entrance, the women dropped all pretenses and unabashedly circled around the sisters, pushing out their elbows and stepping on each other’s feet to get the perfect shot.
You have to possess specific personality traits to attend press events like the Kardashian Hair Care launch party: aggressive, friendly in a way that makes everyone want to talk to you, and so immodest that you’ll walk up to anyone, introduce yourself, and start talking about the Tinder date you went on last night or your period (actual conversations I overheard). Basically, traits I lack. While I have no problem asking Kim or Khloe a question about their products for the job, having to make friends with my peers is what scares me. Girls intimidate me — always have, always will. Yet I suppose my boss only suggesting that I go—not forcing me—and my only mild panic attacks the day of, is a sign that I want to be like these other women (or I’m trying, at least). But this wasn’t the place to try out my 2015 behavior overhaul. This was where integrity dies with just one snap of an iPhone’s camera.
Related: Kim Kardashian Wears a Furkini Designed by Kanye West
The event hoped to leverage media channels’ social media presence for attention (as if the Kardashian’s could receive any more?). Showing up to a room full of reporters from the biggest publishers in the U.S. offers them the kind of coverage that has already catapulted their careers from Calabasas retailers to international infamy. The sisters posed for pictures instead of speaking to editors; the attendees took pictures like it was a feeding frenzy; everyone played the role of media whore.
The thing is, I still love the Kardashians, respect them even. They’re savvy, and have built careers playing off the world’s media consumption habits. I didn’t get quotes and my photos were terrible, but the food was fantastic, the waiters were cute, and the goodie bag great. Also, I learned far more than expected.
More from Yahoo Style:
Good Luck Finding A Magazine Without Kardashians or Jenners
Kim Kardashian West Cuts Her Hair Short—& Gets Naked (Again)
LOVE Magazine Will Be a Kardashian/Jenner Lovefest
