Macramé Decor: More Knotty Than Nice

Repeat after me: yarn is for sweaters. Yarn is for blankets. Yarn is not for anything else.

Once upon a time, circa 1972, an enterprising hippie decided to “bring back” macramé, the lost “art” of making things out of knots. Weaving fabric into objet has been a crafty project for hundreds of years—the 16th century Italians of Genoa became known for their “punto a groppo,” or knotted lace, and 19th century sailors wove rope into hammocks and bags during their long journeys at sea. But for me, anything macramé that was created after “All in the Family” hit the airwaves is basically the most hideous thing ever made, and should be burned at the stake. Am I really the only one that thinks so?

In the last few years, macramé—or what I call crapramé!—has started trending again, a star of Pinterest boards everywhere. Interior design bloggers deemed it “all kinds of cool”; The Knot declared it “The Hot New Wedding Trend You’ll Love,” and rounded up a selection of macramé plant holders worthy of a “funky, hip restaurant.” Urban Outfitters is selling a macramé curtain/headboard mashup for $169, plus a double-story hanging planter—with beaded detailing and a tassel!!!—that “looks great…above a table in any space.”

Guys, I can’t do it. I can’t even look at it all. Maybe it’s bad memories of the all-too-common macramé owl, which stared at me menacingly from its perch in a relative’s dreary kitchen. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve never seen a macramé object not covered in dust (seriously, how do you clean it??). It makes my skin crawl. I want to reclaim the world’s fibers for things that are actually necessary. Who’s with me?

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