Stephen Colbert Launches Goop-Like Lifestyle Brand to Sell You $$$ Artisanal Stuff

There’s stiff competition in the celebrity lifestyle company world. Reese Witherspoon’s Draper James, Ellen DeGeneres’s ED by Ellen, Blake Lively’s Preserve, and, of course, the OG of the crew Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP, all compete for the same customers willing to shell out $28 on mud soap for those rare few who take showers to get dirtier or $85 for four linen cocktail napkins with sayings such as “Tell Me Something Good” and “Top Me Off” on them. As Stephen Colbert pointed out on his show Thursday night, these women are no longer just people, they’re so much more than that: they’re brands. So that’s why instead of skewering them, he’s joining them.

“People think of me as a talk-show host but my real passion, ever since I was a child, is being a brand,” the new late night host said during his on air announcement that he’s joining the ranks of Internet tastemakers. “That’s why every time my parents said my name, I would sue them for trademark infringement.” 

“As a celebrity, my life is filled with luxury items, hand-selected jewelry, and the illusion of free time,” he explained. Named Covetton House, the site’s mission aims to “combine classic Southern living with the easy charm of the English countryside, and whatever they had leftover at the prop warehouse.” But it’s so much more than just looking like The Great Gatsby threw up on you. “It’s a haven for conversations,” Colbert said of his site. “Conversations that begin with a warm handshake between equals and end with the three-digit code on the back of your credit card.”

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