The Worst Place to Propose to Your Girlfriend? A Wedding.

When it comes to weddings, there is only one thing that matters: the bride’s inalienable right to be the center of attention. Sure, there is a man involved in all of the hullabaloo – but we all know he is still playing the supporting role within all this pomp and circumstance.

With that in mind, the #1 rule at weddings that always abides, like female guest’s lives literally depended on it, is that they cannot wear a white dress. Only the bride can wear a white dress, because this is her day and everyone else is just there to celebrate her on the grand achievement in her life that is getting married. And so this tradition has been passed down through generations of women, in order to keep order and propriety in ceremonies throughout the decades.

But what about the men? Yes, what about the men, is the question we always ask ourselves. Men know nothing about weddings, they don’t know the rules, they just float through the ceremonies, usually with the aid of a girlfriend, or a female friend, or you know, their mom, to tell them what’s right. Like for example, telling a young man that proposing at someone else’s wedding is literally never, never-ever, ok.

Which is why the internet has totally lost its mind over this photo posted on Reddit yesterday, where a man proposes to his girlfriend right in front of a newlyweds’ table of honor. It shows the exact moment when a legend was born, and friendships were forever broken. It is like seeing the birth of a supernova.

There are so many amazing things going on in this picture, that I find it necessary to break it down in order to truly appreciate its beauty. On the foreground, a woman in a coral dress (because she knows about the “no white dresses rule”), stands with one hand on her hip – a hand that says “what the hell are you doing, omg-no!, get up off from that knee right now! – while the other covers her mouth in shock. In shock because perhaps she never imagined this day would come for her, in shock because she can’t believe she’s been dating someone who would think it appropriate to propose to her at someone else’s wedding, in shock because how does she reconcile the feeling of wanting to run away from this man, with the feeling of knowing that she was desperately in love with him until exactly 2 seconds ago.

Give her all the awards.

On her right, the hopeful-future-fiancé on one knee, the way that he has been taught that girls like to be proposed, and right next to him, on the table that the newlyweds had their first meal together, a bottle of Corona that he carried with him when he decided that this was the time to propose, a bottle of Corona that once he got to the front he realized he didn’t have enough hands to take the ring out of his pocket and hold open the little box like he knows he should do.

Behind them, a bride that wants so desperately to be happy for her friend, because she too knows, her friend never thought this possible, a bride trying with all her might to smile a beautiful smile, like Kerri Strugg attempting her second vault in the ‘96 Olympics even though she had already broken her ankle. A bride that knows exactly what her friend is feeling, “I will help you kill him later,” she says in her mind, “I promise.”

And next to the bride, a groom laughing, because he thinks it’s hilarious! He doesn’t know about the rules either, and he just can’t believe this guy finally proposed! “We’d thought you’d be the last one to get married!,” he will say to the proposer later over beers, “but you don’t know how much trouble you’ve gotten me into with the missus, and we’ve only been married a couple of hours!” They clink their bottles of Corona, and stare wistfully into the nothing, thinking about the future, like newborn babies with no knowledge of how the world works.

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I Wear Black To My Friends’ Weddings Because I Mourn For The Bride
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