'Fear the Walking Dead' Brain-Dead Move of the Week: Quit Thinking With Your Privates, Private!
Every week on Fear the Walking Dead, someone does something stupid that needlessly endangers the lives of themselves and others. Here, we commemorate those decisions in the hopes that they won’t be repeated. But of course, they know they will be.
Before we get started here: Remember when this show had zombies?
Last week, we didn’t spot a single walker, and this week, we only get to glimpse poor zombie “Kimberly” through the scope of Travis’s high-powered rifle. Call us crazy, but we kind of tuned into this show hoping to see some zombies. We know they’re trying to emphasize that the real monsters are ourselves, or something (or maybe they’re just trying to save a few bucks on special-effects makeup), but it’s making for an oddly lifeless drama so far.
The lack of zombies didn’t prevent our soldier boy Adams, though, from making a dumb mistake that almost gets him killed, and definitely leads to him betraying the trust of the U.S. military. And all because he was too busy listening to the little soldier in his pants.
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Ofelia flirted with (and made out with) Adams last week to try to get medicine for her mother. Does she really like him? We’re really not sure — and we’re not entirely sure the writers are, either. (She seems upset later when he’s getting tortured… but not that upset?) Anyway, when she comes to the fence screaming to see her mother and throwing bottles, Adams asks one of his fellow Army men to be a bro and let him escort her home.
But oh no, they’re not going back to Ofelia’s place for a little post-apocalyptic nookie. Instead, Ofelia’s dad Daniel is going to tie Adams up and slice up his forearm in an attempt to get Nick and Griselda back. Madison walks in on this little torture session, and Daniel convinces her this is the only way: “This is how we bring them home.”
Normally, we’d call a decision to kidnap and torture a member of the U.S. Army a pretty brain-dead move — except it totally works! Adams spills absolutely everything, including how the military is planning to peace-out and abandon them all there to die. And Daniel didn’t even have to touch anything above the elbow! Good thing ISIS never got a hold of this guy, huh?
Now Daniel, Madison, and the gang may screw up the military’s whole “Cobalt” plan — and it’s all thanks to Adams trying to give Ofelia the old pants salute.
Runners-Up: Alicia and Chris, for smashing all the Champagne and fine china in that rich family’s house because they were, like, so totally bored and over it already. Alcohol is very valuable in a zombie apocalypse! And what is she doing eye-flirting with her stepbrother when she has a boyfriend who isn’t even fully zombie-fied yet? This girl makes no sense… Daniel, for going to that arena full of zombies. At night. By himself. Yeah, they’re not gonna stop with just your forearm, buddy.
Fear the Walking Dead airs Sundays at 9 p.m. on AMC.
