'Scandal' Tweet-cap: We're in a Whole New World, Gladiators

Warning: This recap for the “It’s Hard Out Here For a General” episode of Scandal contains spoilers.

Girls rule, boys drool?

Scandal returned for the second half of Season 5 with relationships broken, alliances scrambled, and onetime enemies now, well, frenemies of sorts. When last we saw Olivia Pope and Co., she’d ended things with Fitz again, but like, for good this time, promise. She teamed up with Mellie to release Rowan from prison for totally good, impeachment-averting reasons. And that let Rowan out into the world to partner up with, of all people, Jake. You know, a guy who really, really wanted to kill him.

But bygones be bygones. We’re in a whole new world, Gladiators. In this world, Olitz is no longer; let us bow down to MellO/Ollie. Forget Rowan vs. Jake, or Jake vs. Fitz — it’s a boys all together club now. And Fitz no longer has a wife or a mistress, but a work wife in Abby. He knows her name at this point (we think).

What’s up is down, what’s left is right, what’s white is black, what’s normal is weird — nope, what’s weird is still weird. You can tell it’s a whole new ballgame by Olivia’s new red wardrobe. Guess she binge-watched Game of Thrones over the holidays.

Here’s went down in Scandal-land this week:

Power play

As Sally Langston drawls, “Power is the beating heart of our nation’s bosom.” But Rowan Pope is disappointed in his daughter — she’s a mere celebrity now, having forfeited the power she had as Fitz’s mistress/future wife. She was basically the president there for awhile. And she let it all slip away.

Maybe Olivia is feeling a little impotent, or lonely, which is why she latches onto Jake at her apartment. Go, she says, but her eyes say YASSS. They’re making out, they’re having sex against the wall, they’re humping each other like there’s no tomorrow. Why is he staying with her father at his house? Who cares? Let’s get it on!

Meanwhile, Abby is getting those late night phone calls from Fitz that Olivia once received. And no, it’s not like that — he’s just bouncing ideas off of her, going through his political plans, discussing policy options. She just wants to sleep, though.

The Gladiators get a new case from Diane Peters, the director of the NSA. Someone hacked her home computer and stole some very sensitive files. Olivia immediately tabs Diane’s boyfriend, Billy, a computer programmer, who has conveniently disappeared. The question is, is he a spy or a whistleblower a la Edward Snowden.

Cyrus calls Liv to discuss a White House problem, but she shuts him down. He keeps her on the line by dangling the news that it’s about Abby. Fitz has been using her as his “work wife” and it’s driving Abby crazy. Liv just shrugs; Abby can handle it.

Speaking of wives… here comes Mellie, sashaying into OPA with a book manuscript in hand. She’s written a tome to get “everything” out there before she runs for president, and alludes to Olivia running her campaign. Liv is like, ha! But Mellie asks her to do the favor of at least reading the book.

Mercury rising

A reporter from the Post clues Abby into the potential NSA document leakage, and she goes on Red alert (get it?). She tells Olivia, who realizes Billy is a whistleblower, and they have to stop him before the documents get to The Post. This could be a diplomatic nightmare.

Fitz calls in Jake to handle the situation, since he can’t really hire Liv to fix things for him anymore (sad face). “You don’t talk to her?” Jake asks.

Fitz downs his drink. “No, I don’t. You?”

Jake considers. “No.” And it’s kinda, sorta true.

Huck tracks down Billy’s cell phone, but when Quinn and Marcus show up, Jake is already there. Billy is nowhere to be found; the phone was a plant to throw them all off. Liv yells at Jake a little while for working against her with Fitz, but he brushes her off.

Meanwhile, Abby goes to Liv for a much-needed girls’ night. Of course, Fitz calls her to talk about some boring meeting or something, but Abby is not about to let him ruin her Scotch-filled evening.

The women have a good heart-to-heart, though it doesn’t pass the Bechdel test. Abby asks if Liv misses Fitz. She doesn’t (that’s got to be a lie). Abby is sick of being his work wife, but Liv notes that Fitz isn’t just lonely — he’s alone. He doesn’t have anybody left. Mellie’s gone. Olivia is gone. He needs Abby.

Meanwhile, Quinn is trying to go to sleep, but boy toy Charlie is curious about her latest case. How did Billy disappear off the map like that? No leading emails, no credit card transactions, nothing? This makes her realize there’s more to the Billy story than they thought.

She gets up and starts scouring the voicemails Billy left The Post. Turns out they don’t match other examples of Billy’s speech. The whistleblower and Billy are not the same person!

Not only that, Fitz has fired Diane, and she tells Olivia that her replacement is already in line. Suddenly, Liv realizes what’s going on. She goes to that apartment where they found Billy’s cellphone, and find his dead boy in the fridge. They’ve been played by…

Jake. He is announced by Fitz as the new director of the NSA.

Olivia goes to her father’s house to scream at Jake and at Rowan. “The world is a safer place,” they say with a shrug. She won’t let them get away with this, except they already have. Rowan taunts her with her impotence, calling her the equivalent of the sad parent screaming at a ref at a high school football game.

Speaking of screaming, after another late night call from Fitz, Abby can’t take it anymore. She marches to the Oval Office, and tells Fitz that being his work wife is not part of her job description.

At OPA, new guy Marcus invites Huck and Quinn to Gettysburger — a classic “please like me” move — but Huck declines for them both. When Quinn asks why he’s so mean to Marcus, Huck explains that Marcus is a normal. They have to protect him. They can’t be friends with him. Because, you know, they’re killers and face-lickers and all-around weirdos.

Olivia may not hold way with the current president in the Oval Office, but maybe she can regain her power with the next one. Mellie comes in, and Liv tells her she needs to rewrite the book to be more honest and harder if she wants to be president. Mellie does.

OK then. Liv tells her to come back in the morning. They’ll get started then.

Scandal airs Thursdays at 9 p.m. on ABC.