1609 - The land now known as Greendale is discovered by Portuguese explorer Sir English Memoriál while searching for a cure for syphilis.
1648 - Hunters flock to the area in search of the mythological Fur-Maid: a centaur-like creature that is half-female, half-deer. After capturing and breeding with it, the hunters are shocked to find it is nothing but a common deer. Some hunters and their families remain due to being unable to find their way home.
1812 - Homesteading begins in the area then known as Verdant Valley. Settlers find that moniker at odds with the poor soil conditions and perpetual plagues of locusts, so they consider other names, including "Scab Canyon," "Harmon's Heartbreak," and "Racist Meadows" before agreeing on the less emotionally charged "Greendale."
1974 - Greendale Community College is founded. It is established after a bet between two senile identical-twin industrialists on the site of an abandoned rendering plant.
1977 - Greendale Community College gets a roof.
1979 - Greendale Air Conditioning Repair School is founded, and the prophecy of The Truest Repairman is foretold by its founder, Steve.
1987 - Greendale becomes the first Superfund site in the Quintuple State region!
1988 - Students demonstrate their political activism by occupying the administration office in a 13-day sit-in protesting the school's racially insensitive mascot "Big Chief Drinky." They succeed and the school adopts a new mascot, "The Sober Casinoman."
1990 - Manuel Noriega is granted an honorary degree.